Not the most technical one in the room: On imposter syndrome

My parents were huge Jim Carrey fans and The Truman Show came out when I was 6 years old. That’s a very impressionable time for a kid. The show was rated PG, but it always felt to me like a horror movie, and it stuck with me for a very long time.

In case you haven’t seen it, it’s about the main character, Truman, who is the star of a reality show, but he doesn’t know it. There are hidden cameras embedded everywhere. His entire life he has been the star of a show without realizing it. He thought he was just living his every day life, when in reality every single thing he said or did was being observed.

For years after watching it, I constantly wondered if I was Truman.

After all, who would ever know if they were starring in a hidden camera reality show? The thought would creep in at random moments - getting ready for school, eating breakfast, trying to sleep at night. Maybe everyone around me was just acting and there were cameras everywhere following my every move.

It took me a long time to realize that not only was that show fictional, but also that most people feel like they’re being watched more than they actually are. They aren’t actually being watched. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own personal movie to focus on yours.

But this feeling of constantly being watched and judged? That’s exactly what imposter syndrome feels like.

Imposter syndrome

Early in my software career, I would have done anything to avoid admitting that I didn’t know something. I felt like I was constantly catching up and trying to make up for my lack of technical background. I was a career switcher. No computer science degree. No practical experience or big tech internships. Usually the only woman in the room. Just me, pretending I belonged there.

This led me down some pretty ridiculous paths. I’d spend hours doing research that I could have shortened to a five-minute conversation with a mentor. I would maintain lists of words I didn’t understand to look up later, which left me out of whole conversations since I didn’t have all the context. I felt like I had to maintain the illusion that I already knew everything, for fear of being called out as an imposter.

You’ve probably heard all the common advice for dealing with imposter syndrome:

• Keep a win journal
• Talk to your peers about it
• Remember that everyone feels like this sometimes

And you know what? That advice isn’t wrong. It’s just incomplete.

The real breakthrough comes when you stop trying to be good at everything and start recognizing your unique value. For me, that meant accepting that while I can learn whatever technical skills I need, my true strengths lie elsewhere.

Embrace your own unique value

I’m not the most technical person in the room. I’m not good at the tiny details. I’m the person who sees the big picture. Who thinks about systems and how they connect. Who would usually rather focus on the people side of technology than the actual technology itself.

It took time to get here. Lots of uncomfortable conversations where I had to admit I didn’t know things. Plenty of moments where I had to choose between protecting my ego and actually growing. But each time I chose growth, it got a little easier.

Now I’m at a point where I understand what I bring to the team. I contain multitudes. I’m very good at learning the technical skills that I need to learn, but it’s not where I excel. And that’s more than okay - it’s valuable.

Want to know how I finally beat my imposter syndrome? By accepting what I’m not good at. By embracing what I am good at. By realizing that teams need all kinds of brains and specialties to function well.

Sometimes I still catch myself wondering if someone’s watching. But now? I kind of hope they are. They’ll see someone who’s figured out their place in the tech world, someone who’s not afraid to ask questions and take up space, someone who brings their own unique value to the team.

So bring on the hidden cameras. I’m ready.